SHEEN pt. 1


SHEEN pt. 1

Published on March 14th, 2011 by Joel

For a variety of reasons, I have been running ragged this week. It’s gonna continue into next, too. I work the preschool in the morn’, then go to school where projects are getting busy, then usually have been catching up on work until midnight. When I realized what sort of week this was going to be, I turned to an old friend.

THE FIVE HOUR ENERGY SHOT!

giver of life! fountain of fountains! other religious connotations!

i’ve written about these before (they really are like a drug, I can’t stop talking about them). it’s not like other energy drinks. other energy drinks take TIME. EFFORT. you have to sit down and really embrace the taste and the harshness of those. i really can’t drink energy drinks. but the energy shot? here’s the experience of the five hour shot put into mid-century metaphoric passion play format.

WEARY TRAVELER: Avast! The long road to rest seems to be long on the horizon.

[weary traveler comes upon Grail on the road, filled with strange elixir]

WEARY TRAVELER: But what is this grail? Shall I drink, and enjoy it’s bounty?

THE LORD: Weary Traveler! You know not what you do! Strange Grails usually are fill’t with unforeseen and bodily harmful substances!

ENERGIZED TRAVELER: WHOA THE LORD TOO LATE I ALREADY DRANK IT AND AM READY TO GOOOOO —

THE LORD: Weary Traveler! Be aware of the way you —

ENERGIZED TRAVELER: SORRY THE LORD I GOT THINGS TO DOOOOOOOOOO ——–

bad call energized traveler! little did you know that by drinking the grail (5 hour energy shot) you would be angering the lord (everyone around you).

yup, the five hour energy shot turns your brain into a piece of junk. it works a mile a minute, but it produces a wide variety of useless, useless thoughts. a few i have had as a result of the 5 hour energy —
“If you were to assign genders to the planets what they would be. Jupiter’s a dude. Sun is a girl. Moon is a dude. Venus is a girl. What about… WHAT KIND OF THOUGHTS ARE THESE”.

“How does a doorbell make noise? There are no speakers in my house to make noise from. I wonder if ….. oh. “Bell”. GEEZ.”

“Do I remember how to multiply? 5×7………………………………….. guess not.”

“Does Kramer have a job? How does he afford that apartment? Oh, class is over.”

I have to stop. They are destroying my “brain”.

Oh, yeah, so we are doing this Charlie Sheen 4 part thing! Or maybe 5 parts. It will be between 4-5 parts. Or maybe we will throw a curveball and do 3 parts. UNLIKELY.

I am going to sleep for 15 hours now to replenish my “brain”.

jkd

Discussion (2)¬

  1. Eric Troyer says:

    Speaking of egomaniacs, have you heard about what’s been happening in Nathan’s hometown? http://tinyurl.com/474z5pd

  2. giga bitch says:

    funny as hell you have a new regular

Comment¬