run this town

so in the comments section for last week’s poop in bed (it’s always a rowdy party in there! my my!) a gentleman asked for photographic proof of my free entertainment center (as though i would somehow decieve you!). well i held off on posting it, partly because of my immense lazyness and partly due to needing blog content. but, just for you, blog commenter:

took that pic with my horrible cell phone camera. im pretty sure i own like three digital cameras, but who knows where those are. i think i have the first edition of the cell phone camera ever produced – when you’re lookin into the screen, the picture isn’t live – when you move the phone around, it takes a second to catch up to what you were looking at. not only that, but the pictures it takes are so dark – even with all the filters on the phone turned on. that means “night mode”, “brightness” all the way up, etc…. and even then, everything is undistinguishable, which is why you see the lamp placed there, making the room look like it’s in the middle of a séance. i did host a séance earlier in the night, but that’s totally unrelated.

but there it is! totally free entertainment center. not too shabby.

a few friends came over today and we called a friend living in peru over skype. if you don’t know, skype is a program you download to call people anywhere in the world, completely free. i didn’t mean for that sentence to sound like such a plug. but anyways, we called this friend, chatted over video chat for about 20 mins, then logged off. almost immediately, we got a voice call request from some random named “ajb_88″ or something like that.

curious to a fault, i answered it. and because the username we were using was a female name, i tried putting on a female voice.

it was atrocious. it sounded closer to mickey mouse than a female. much closer.

but this guy seemed to buy it. the conversation went something like this.

ME: Hello?

AJB88: Hi how are you?

ME: Pretty good. How are you?

AJB 88: Good. How are you?

ME: Uh. Good. How are you?

AJB 88: Good. How are you?

at this point, i was pretty sure this was the equivilent of the yahoo chat bots – artificial intelligence which tricks you into talking to them and then stealthily sends you a virus. i dropped the mickey mouse voice.

ME: Oh, it’s a virus thing. It’s not a real person.

AJB 88: Who else is there with you? Who are you talking to?

mickey mouse voice on.

ME: Just the TV. The TV is on in the background.

AJB 88: Yes. Oh. Yes, the television.

ME: I have a dog named Goofy. [this did not phase him at all.]

AJB 88: How old are you? Are you a girl?

ME: Yes, I’m a 14 year old girl.

AJB 88: Do you have a webcam?

SKETCH. CENTRAL.

ME: Uhh.. yeah, I do.

AJB 88: We should speak over webcam.

ME: Why do you wanna speak over webcam?

AJB 88: I a computer teacher in Nigeria. I can help you with your schoolwork. Ok? Press “enable webcam”. Ok?

ME: Hold on a sec. I’m gonna grab my webcam.

AJB 88: OK. Yes. Thank you.

[i paused for a few seconds, then rustled the mic and put on my angriest voice]

ME: OK, BUDDY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN’ TALKIN TO MY 14 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER LIKE THAT?

AJB 88: What? Hello Sir.

ME: HELLO NOTHING. WHAT WERE YOU TALKIN TO MY DAUGHTER ABOUT.

AJB 88: Ok Sir. I’m a computer teacher in Nigeria. I was going to teach her.

ME: OH YEAH? TEACH HER MICROSOFT WORD FROM HALFWAY ACROSS THE WORLD? I FIND THAT DOUBTFUL.

AJB 88: Ok Sir. I was going to teach about computers. Ok?

ME: You know, I always have problems with Microsoft Powerpoint. Do you know how to teach that?

AJB 88: Yes, Powerpoint, Excel, Word –

ME: JOKES ON YOU BUDDY. NOBODY USES POWERPOINT ANYMORE. POWERPOINT SUCKS.

AJB 88: [silence]

ME: STOP TALKING TO 14 YEAR OLDS AND GET SOME FRIENDS. THANKS. BYE.

i then proceeded to block him. which i hope hurt his feelings, creepo.

(Nathan’s note: No PiB because PAX is consuming my time. Sorry.)

sweet dreams!

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