Pib Studios – “Corpse pt. 3”


Pib Studios – “Corpse pt. 3”

Published on February 25th, 2011 by Joel

yoyoyo

So have you ever wondered what would happen if you were the first person to make alien contact?

Let’s say you go for a hike. You are being pretty independent. You throw on your headphones and a hooded sweatshirt and hit the trails. You’re pretty proud of yourself. You are taking time for YOU. Alone with your thoughts. Who knows what sorts of thoughts you will have about the thoughts you are having!! AND THEN, when you least expect it, in the expanse of nature, you see THE LIGHTS of A FOREIGN AIRCRAFT. AN UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECT.

First of all, CHECK YOURSELF (before you wreck yourself). You are about to make human history. You gotta make sure you look good. Now, obviously, you went for a hike – you aren’t looking your best. You’re probably wearing sweats and a sweatshirt from a university you dropped out of. The least you can do is brush your hair with your hand. Try to look respectable. Wipe the sweat off your forehead (that last slight slope was a doozy).

The aliens are about to land and make contact with you. This is one important first impression you’re gonna make. It’s not like meeting a date for a first time, this is a whole new species. The first thing you say is going to determine how they first see the rest of the human race for all of history. So you’d better not just say “What uppppp” like some huge douche. You have to make a respectable impression. Might I suggest, “Nice to meet your acquaintance.” Real classy-like.

Don’t be frightened by their almost certainly ghoulish appearance. I don’t have a traditional interpretation of aliens. In fact, I’m almost certain they all look like ALF….

HIDE YO CATS.

I want you to do 2 things for me when you might happen to meet the aliens.

1) SMILE. Like your mamma taught you.

2) Don’t assume they are going to be friendly. If Hollywood has taught us nothing, it’s that aliens from millions of miles away have no other purpose in meeting us other than BLOWING US THE HELL UP. These guys traverse the universe for no other purpose than being SO EVIL. They have solved the mysteries of the universe, and when they are introduced to a new culture, they just can’t help themselves – they have to explode it. It’s just the way super-advanced societies work.

So if they pull anything, be ready to stab their traitorous alien faces right in the face.

(will you believe that i google image searched “dead ALF” for this part of the blog and received drawings of a nude ALF? seriously, internet, sometimes i wonder…..)

that’s it for today. keep vigilant. (and NEVER google image search “dead alf” if you don’t want your innocent early-90s memories scathed….)

jkd

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