Pib Studios – “Corpse pt. 2”


Pib Studios – “Corpse pt. 2”

Published on February 22nd, 2011 by Joel

It’s Canadian Reading Week!! It’s the same deal as that week off in American universities – Spring Break – but I guess that that name gives off the wrong vibes to our students? We wouldn’t want to suggest anything irresponsible – neither it being “Spring”, a time of new birth and recklessness, nor of it being a time where you would want to take a “break”… NO, sir! In Canada, we suggest you take the entire week off to READ.

Could we get nerdier??

To retaliate, I’ve spent most of my first few days off watching TOO MUCH TV

like, waaaay too much. And I’ve watched all the episodes to my few favorite shows, now. I just finished Dexter. I’m all done Breaking Bad. I even have almost watched the entire series of How I Met Your Mother. I’ve NEVER watched an entire sitcom series before. I have to stop myself from using the catchphrases in the show. It’s a really gross habit.

Yesterday, my roommates and I watched “Troll 2”. This movie is commonly regarded as being one of the (if not the) worst movies of all time. There’s that clip on Youtube of the kid who hilariously acts his way right out of Hollywood. Yeah, that’s from this.

I don’t know what part of “worst movie of all time” I didn’t understand.

The movie is called “Troll 2” even though it has no connection to Troll 1 and despite the fact that there are, in fact, no trolls in this movie. Just goblins.

I paid INTENSE ATTENTION to this movie. If it were just a “sorta bad” movie, I would’ve zoned out, played scrabble on my phone, etc. But this was, potentially, the worst movie OF ALL TIME. So I attempted to experience Troll 2 as best I could. Here’s basically the entire plot, from my careful interpretation…..

– Boy is getting told a bedtime story about Goblins by his Grandpa.

– TWIST! His Grandpa is actually dead and is a spirit.

– The boy and his family are going on vacation.

– The sister has a boyfriend. He sneaks in through her window. She tells him that if her father finds him in her room, her father will “cut off his little nuts and eat them”. Gross.

– They all go on vacation. Reach the town of Nilbog. That couldn’t be Goblin spelt backwards, could it?

– Townspeople (actually goblins in disguise) attempt to make the family eat food with green food colouring, which the spirit of the dead Grandpa tells the boy will turn them into vegetables. The goblins don’t like to eat meat – they are vegetarians – and so they make you eat the green food coloured food first, so you turn into plants. WHO WROTE THIS?

– There’s a witch, or something, who captures the friends of the boyfriend and turns them into plants, and then keeps them in her lair where she waters them. The witch has braces for some reason.

– The set of the witch’s lair looks like something out of R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps TV series. Really any YTV series.

– Eventually the kid learns the only way to defeat the goblins is to use the “power of goodness”, which translates to going into the witches’ lair and pressing against a large rock. (?)

– The whole family joins in!

– They all push against the rock!

– Fade to white.

– Now they are at home.

– BUT THE GOBLINS ARE THERE TOO AND THEY HAVE TURNED THE MOM INTO LETTUCE AND EAT HER.

– Boy screams. Roll credits.

….
I know I shoulda prepared myself but holy cow folks. It truly is horrific.

jkd

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