i forgot my laundry

oops, just sat down to write this blog post and remembered i forgot to get my laundry out of the dryer downstairs close to four hours again now. inexplicably, there is only one dryer and one washer in this apartment complex, so when you forget to pick up your stuff, there’s almost certainly gonna be some colorful character waiting for you to move it. normally, i never forget – i picture some angry troll opening the dryer with his wet sopping overalls, ready to dry – and there he finds my assortment of apparel. he clearly becomes enraged at seeing my clothes – not only because he is unable to dry his stuff, but also because he is jealous of my fashion sense (totally completely a fabrication – i dress like i’m fifty. like i wouldn’t be surprised if i started tucking in my shirts soon). so then my imagination considers the possibilities at this point – and i always picture this guy getting so mad that he pees all over my stuff. i don’t know why. its irrational, sure. but as i would really dislike having my stuff peed on, i make sure that i retrieve it on time.

except for today, of course. be right back.

ok back. you know what i hate? public dryers. they’re so gross. probably one of the biggest things i’m ocd about. when you get your clothes back, there are almost definitely peculiar hairs stuck to you clothes. thing is, i’m not really a hairy guy. i desperately wish i could grow a beard. i grow stubble like a master. like, you haven’t met someone with better stubble than me. i dare you to find better stubble. but beards? no chance. my family is cursed with a no-beard clause. my older brother discovered this himself, and decided to use the product that bald people use on their heads…. on his face. seems crazy, but you don’t know what it’s like, man. especially since i once used one of those mall booth hair-adding contraptions, and man – i look pretty interesting with a beard. not interesting in the sense that the idea of me with a beard is intriguing, but interesting in the sense that if you saw me walkin’ around with a beard, you would want to get to know me. that sounds conceited… but geez. alas.

so i’ve been twitterin‘. like… a bit. every so often, i’ll get this weird urge to “tweet” (i refuse to use these buzzwords without quotations. like “vlog”? not a word you can use in everyday conversation). and when i get the urge to “tweet”, everything stops. until i think up an acceptable “tweet”. and for the most part, my 20 followers have been havin’ a WHALE of a time (dunno why i wrote that)! i know about 16 of these people myself, and the other 4? a complete mystery. one i will solve – they’re bots. twitter is relatively new, but the robots take over every site eventually. i don’t know if any of you ever blogged – on “blogger” – but because no one really cares about blogs anymore, it’s become a robot wasteland. if you write a blog on that site, you’ll probably get a few comments, but they’re all gonna be like this –

“hey! great post! if you want to get great deals of pharmaceuticals, for great prices, for cheap price, pleas check out my great new site!! thanks! – SALLY”

those are easily enough avoidable. but when someone “follows” you on twitter, you get curious. especially when they have a name like “cutiepie3918″. you have to check it out – maybe she’s the one!

but you go to their twitter site, and it’s all just the same junk, only in “tweet” form. showing that it’s only a matter of time until each site is taken over by robots, selling out to their dominating logic and generous offers. no site is free from this takeover, sadly.

incidentally, i just heard about this great deal on male enlargement pills. you know, at typical vendors, you could be paying up to $12.75 per pill! and, you know, that just seems ridiculous. thankfully, doctor shunzoo has come up with a revolutionary new formula that is easily produced for a fraction of the cost – but while keeping the medical marvel you trust. simply send us your check for $50.77, and you could be on your way to confidence in the locker room! wow!

just send your check to:

good in theory c/o dr. shunzoo PO BOX 39182120383 (product shipped from fiji, expect in 14-18 weeks).

you simply can’t afford to go without natural male enhancement any more!!! signed, shunzoo.


no poop in bed this week. we will see you next week with a fantastical new entry, along with a blog post i just thought up now while late night tv plays in the background – wherein i will call one of those “date phone lines” – the ones that’re all “hey. i’m not goin’ out tonight. i’m callin’ quest.” and apparently they light candles and dress up and sit on loveseats and put on lipstick to call a phone line? right. fact is, the only people on those lines ever have got to be lonely 45 year old single fat men. talking to each other. “where the ladies at? am i right?”. actually i tire of that idea. that sounds pretty sad. poor 45 year old single men. maybe i’ll do it. we’ll see.

have a good one today folks


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