SHEEN Post Mortem

SHEEN Post Mortem

Published on September 12th, 2011 by Joel

Geez, folks, we are SORRY. It’s been a long time. I could say we were just taking a summer hiatus, but I am WAY too far in this sentence to attempt that.

Last time we posted, it was April 1st. More than four months ago. Four months ago, this whole Charlie Sheen thing seemed like a good idea. I’ve always hated referencing pop culture, because inevitably you’ll look back at what you said (like with this arc) and be out of touch with what made it seem like a good idea in a first place. It totally made sense when we started this! Charlie Sheen was just, like, super crazy! And certainly no person could be that crazy. It was a collective mission as a culture, and it became everyone’s conversation – this famous person is acting weird, and we need to discuss the weird things he does and why he does the weird things and what weird things he might do next. Then we just sorta accepted that he fried his brain on drugs and actually was probably pretty mentally disturbed and it stopped being fun and interesting and thought provoking and just turned sad and unfun to think about. He wasn’t playing “Charlie Sheen, crazy party uncle, the character!” he was actually “Charlie Sheen, empty dried up celebrity vessel craving fruitless public attention to fill a void he is unable to confront in reality”. Try basing a CBS sitcom on that.

I’m seeing ads on Comedy Central for the “Charlie Sheen roast”, and I DO NOT want to see that. I don’t think the man can handle a roast. Whoever is doing the roasting is going to cut deep. It’s not like roasting Chevy Chase. “Hah, hah, your acting career is laughable!”. Chevy can handle that. These guys are going after Charlie’s delicate ego. Charlie went on a whole tour after being booted off his show basically telling “his side of the story”, which pretty much equates to a couple hours of whining. The roast is gonna be saaaaaad :(

But enough about Charlie Sheen. For real. I actually am a little surprised I typed that much already.

Four months is a long time, and it was ESPECIALLY long this summer. So much stuff went down this summer, you guys! I have to talk about it with you!

SUMMER 2011 ROUNDUP

APRIL 2011

This month was significant due to the massive political demonstrations around the world, particularly in the Middle East and in Africa, but I think a lot of the energy people channeled into these movements can be attributed to how devastatingly sad they were over the passing of the WORLD’S FAVORITE LIL’ POLAR BEAR, KNUT.

GAAAAAAAAH THE PAIN NEVER GOES AWAY. POOR KNUT :( :( :'(

Ok, I don’t want to ruin your day, but you have to know this.

Knut’s death was caused by drowning after he collapsed into his pool after suffering encephalitis (w/e that is).

I should’ve been there!!! I know he wasn’t MY polar bear, but in a way… he was ALL our polar bear.  God bless you Knut… wherever you are.

……………………………… too cute.

MAY 2011

May 2011, in my mind, can really only be remembered as the month Osama Bin Laden got shot in the face.

It’s too perfect. It happened like a Tom Clancy novel. So they staked out his compound for a long time. They used satellite imagery to determine a man of Bin Laden’s stature and build was wandering around outside. They sent people in disguise as census takers to try and determine what sort of people were inside. Then Barack Obama (already well known as an established cool cat) gives the word for a team of Navy SEALS to attack the compound. They take helicopters (one of which CRASHES pretty cinematically, causing the SEALS to abandon training and act on their feet, sweet) and land in the compound, silently taking out some ter’rists hiding inside. Then, when one of the SEALS spots Bin Laden at the top of a staircase, he takes a deep breath, aims, then says (out loud) (get this) “For God and country – Geronimo, Geronimo, Geronimo”, and shoots this decade-long headache in the face. Bruce Willis might as well be dropping one liners like that.

JUNE 2011

“WORLD WAITS WITH BAITED BREATH FOR TRANSFORMER 3 – PROMISES TO TIE UP ALL THE LOOSE ENDS”

– Will Shia LeBeouf be killed by robots, or will he live and not be killed?????

– Will Optimus Prime be blown up by other robots, or will he blow up the other robots??????

– Will the good robots find a magic key that saves a planet, or will the bad robots find the same magic key and use it to DESToRY a planet?????

Here Shia LeBeouf is doing some acting with hot girl, but unfortunately there’s not a lot the acting talent can be used for here.

“Girl, I am sorry I got you involved in an interplanetary feud between the Autobots and the Decepticons. If we ever get out of this mess and restore the Allspark to the divine Foundry of the Stars, then the Decepticons will be sent back to the origins of space and it will reunite the balance of the Galactic Universe”

Hold on while I add that one to the big book of pick up lines.

I dont actually have a big book of pick up lines.

JULY/AUGUST 2011

It was hot out.

SEPTEMBER 2011

And that brings us to now! We are working on a couple projects we hope to release to you pretty soon. They are cool and fun and exciting. Some semblance of an update schedule should be forming soon here, too. The summer months ain’t good for comics. These winter months are. We’ll be seeing a lot more of each other ;).

GAAAAAAAAAH I CAN’T HOLD IT TOGETHER. POOR KNUT.

JUST STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!